Try repeating over and over, “I accept this moment.”
“I accept the tensing of my muscles.”
“I accept that I don’t feel pleasure right now.”
“I accept this fantasy.”
Start there. See what untangles
Self-pleasure doesn't have to look like mainstream porn. It's one option, but it's not the only option. The masturbation we see in mainstream porn follows the biological male arousal pattern. Meaning: many people with penises get fully aroused (full engorgement) in 30 seconds - 2 minutes. Meanwhile, the bio-female arousal pattern looks different. It takes a full 30-45 minutes for full genital engorgement, lubrication, and therefore arousal.
Above all, a healthy sexuality isn’t boring—it can take you to greater heights of pleasure than you've ever experienced. When your sexuality is aligned in your own Truth, it doesn't come with feeling bad after sex or self-pleasure. It feels pure, unfettered and clean, but not in the way we're used to using those words. You can still be having anal sex, or exploring spanking, and feel pure, unfettered and clean. It's about full consent from you and a partner, and being your full Self in sex.
In fact, the first time I used my yoni egg, I found myself wondering if I’d been slipped MDMA.I felt tingling from my head to my toes. Each little sensation bloomed and escalated. Even my vision became different: hazy, diffused. I felt the edges of my body dissolve, and I was part of a watercolor painting. Even though I didn’t have a traditional climax (that 3-10 second “genital sneeze” we all strive for), that didn’t matter. There was no need for that. I was elevated, infused with bliss. I felt like I was making love with an invisible god. I felt like a goddess.