So, what is sexuality coaching, really?
Sexuality coaching (with me, at least) is a deep dive into your sexuality and the beliefs you have around sex and self-pleasure, aka masturbation.
Our society isn’t healthy around sex, so it’s hard for us as individuals to have vibrant, healthy sexualities. We indeed live in a society that “sells sex” but we also live in a society that is sexually confused and repressed, and carries profound undertones of sexual shame.
Even if you haven’t overtly experienced sexual trauma or abuse, it’s extremely prevalent, and you know many people who have. You may have also experienced little-t traumas around sexuality, such as penetration before you were ready, or had sex for reasons other than fully wanting to, body, mind and soul, in the moment. All of these things can color your experience of your sexuality.
We reserve sexiness for certain expressions of sexuality, and don’t honor other expressions, which leaves many people feeling lost or not enough. We tell women that they are sluts if they have sex, and prudes if they don’t. Recently, we’ve decided that it’s liberating for young women to have lots of casual sex, which can also be limiting and confusing, if that’s not your true expression of sexuality.
When we aren’t given options, we lose sight of the myriad of possibility around sexual expression. It’s harder to uncover our own unique desires and flavor of sexuality when there are no role models, and when “sexy” looks just one way in the media.
Sexuality coaching allows you to discover your own sexuality, free from the stories that have been given to you from culture, your parents, friends, lovers, etc. It’s a compassionate, held space where you can untangle the web of your sexual experiences and desires, and experience healing and integration.
Why is it important to do work on my sexuality? Shouldn’t that just be natural?
If we lived in a society where it was common for sexuality to be healthily expressed, we wouldn’t need to put that much work into our sexualities. If we were more heart-centered, vulnerable, and honest, and had role models for healthy sexuality, we wouldn’t need to sift through our shame and limiting beliefs around sexuality. In this way, it’s much like relationship: because we aren’t taught to ‘do relationship,’ most of us have a hard time with them, especially around conflict and communication. We see relationship coaches and therapists for support.
When we seek support around our sexuality, we slowly untangle the beliefs we have around sexuality that aren’t ours—that belong to culture, religion, our parents.
We not only untangle those beliefs in our minds, but in coaching with me, you’ll work with embodiment to really shake free of the strong hold of those beliefs. Through using tools like breathwork and self-pleasure itself, we can begin to rewire a more current belief system. We can begin to choose healthy empowered narratives around sex and pleasure.
Doing work around your sexuality often includes delving into other areas of your life. Sexuality is life-force, and it doesn’t happen in a vacuum.
Our sexualities are formed along with our worthiness, our capacity to feel pleasure and joy, and our connection to something greater.
When you open up to sexuality coaching, you do deeper work on self-love, self-acceptance, and boundaries at the same time. You increase your capacity for a baseline of feeling good. You heal on body, mind, emotion, and spirit levels, in all areas of your life.
“This seems like a lot of work to feel good.”
It can be. There is often grief to feel, rage to process, a lot of “no” to be said, before we get to the other side, where the deep pleasure and “hell yes” live. But the payoff is incredible: a deeper and heart-felt connection with your body, sexual awakening, extended orgasmic states, and more. Connecting with your sexuality means more access to your life-force energy, for more creativity and connection with your unique purpose. You’ll experience more empowerment not only sexually, but in all areas of your life.